i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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