Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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