Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
