I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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