Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
