3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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