Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
