she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
