I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
