There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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