so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
