Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize