I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
