i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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