I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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