champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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