Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
