We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
