every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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