Plan B is the new Plan A
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
