the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
