Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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