I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
