Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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