I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ugly people sure do ruin things
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
