apparently the secret to your success is patron
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
