THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
