He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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