I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
