i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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