I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
