Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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