Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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