Plan B is the new Plan A
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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