I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
