i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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