I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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