mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
