looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
