watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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