I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do vagina's smell?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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