you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
