I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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