Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
