: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No subtext here. People are naked.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
