i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
