u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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