R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize