I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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