do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
