mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We are all done wearing pants today
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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