If that was your dad, he is hot
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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