Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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