um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
