what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
