just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
