your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
