Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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