CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
