Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
