I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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