omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
