Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
