I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Even my vagina gasped.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
