Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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