My nipple is on Facebook.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
