someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
