We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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