Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
