That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
