Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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