gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
