she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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